October, a joyous month for me and this blog, was over. As with most of this year there were few new releases that I was interested in covering (I considered the new Spongebob film and while I felt great watching it, afterwards I realised it was so awful I couldn’t summon the energy to break it down).

It was November, the US election was coming up and I was feeling pretty pessimistic about the result. So, as a joke, I made a deal with a friend that if the election went our way I’d have to review the most bizarre, messed up film he could think of.

This proved to be a terrible idea.

2004’s Catwoman shows a shy, vulnerable Halle Berry adopt the physical senses and reflexes of a cat and uncover a deadly conspiracy within the cosmetics company she works at.

Surprise surprise it’s a bad film. As bad as its reputation indicates? Yes. How I’m not sure. I actually had to think about it. Saying something is bad is a lot easier than explaining why that’s the case because when thinking about Catwoman critically, my initial thoughts were surprisingly positive. I thought it was just an average superhero origin story but if that was the case, why was I so bored? Why didn’t I care about the characters or what happened to them? It’s taken me a while but I think I have a decent answer.

The Characters

This interpretation of the famous DC comics antihero is a meek young graphics designer called Patience Philips (Berry). She’s a woman who has no control of her life. She’s an artist but is forced to compromise her talents for her job. She lives in a nice apartment but next to cruel carless neighbours. On paper she’s a basic two-dimensional character, nothing awful, depending on the story she’s in she could actually be quite affective. She’s the protagonist of every 90s’/2000s’ superhero comic book film. She’s down on her luck but has no idea what’s around the corner.

So, why didn’t I care about her?

I think the overall problem with Catwoman is that it doesn’t know what it wants to be. The film just can’t settle on whether it wants to be a hero’s journey superhero film or a dark origin story about the famous antihero. The film wants us to feel great for Patience as she develops her powers and becomes independent but at the same time be concerned about the Jekyll and Hyde dilemma she experiences with her two identities. This I think is why the film is so baffling narratively. Why at some points it’s laughable and at most it’s boring. We don’t know what we’re watching. We don’t know who to care for and why, so we give up.

I haven’t done a lot of research but I am aware that the film spent a decade in development hell before finally being released. I may be wrong but I suspect that the success of Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man may’ve influenced the final product as Catwoman’s origin in this is unlike any I’ve seen in content involving her. When seeing Patience’s very physical transformation into Catwoman I couldn’t help but think of the montage in Spider-Man where Toby Maguire develops and practices his powers.

The other characters, like Patience, are interesting on paper but are spoiled by the film’s identity crisis. There’s Tom, a detective who develops a relationship with Patience while hunting her as Catwoman. George Hedare, the head of the cosmetics company Patience works at. Laurel Hedare, George’s wife and model for the company who grows resentful of her husband. If given more dimension or a better script these characters could’ve been way more engaging than they are in the final product.

The Plot

George’s company is putting out a skin cream that allegedly reverses the effects of aging, when in reality it causes skin to deteriorate over time. After discovering that her husband is not only replacing her as the company’s model but is having an affair with her replacement, Laurel plans retribution.

This subplot was the most interesting to me. I haven’t seen many films about the subject so this may say more about that than the film but this depiction of the cosmetics industry was kind of engaging. The film’s cynical green colour palette really shines in the office scenes with George and Laurel, giving them a sick sleazy vibe. I think the reason why I gravitated to this subplot was that it makes the most sense and is the most consistent. Don’t get me wrong, George and Laurel are pretty two-dimensional but unlike the rest of the characters I knew exactly how to feel about them.

The main plot tracks Patience’s investigation into the company’s deadly new product. This is where the film really bored me. I just didn’t care. I didn’t know what was going on. Catwoman breaks into places, beats up bad guys. Patience goes out with Tom, does some heroic stuff in public. Intercut with awfully dated CGI and a comically revealing catsuit, the plot climaxes with your standard superhero confrontation between Catwoman and Laurel where they break things and toss each other across the room.

At this point the film settles on being another hero’s journey superhero film, where the hero sacrifices their personal life for crimefighting. Patience breaks up with Tom and embraces her new life as an outlaw, a seemingly happy ending.

Catwoman doesn’t know what it is but it demands that you accept it. That’s the overall vibe I got from the film. Is it the worst in the genre? Absolutely. The film is very deserving of its reputation. The dated CGI and ridiculous costume make it so bad it’s good at times but for the most part, it’s a confusing, unengaging mess that steals tropes and clichés from its genre counterparts out of desperation, which only makes it worse.

I give Catwoman a poor 1 out of 10.