Like previous years, 2020 has felt like a launchpad to something better but due to factors either in or out of my control, few things changed. Should I have done more or are my expectations too high? I don’t know.

2020 was full of changes. I know that for most people I’m stating the obvious there but for me, on a personal level, regardless of the pandemic, it’s true.

In late 2019 I got my first job and I’ve kept it all the way through this year. I was always looking for other jobs but when the UK went into lockdown, my prospects vanished. Hence I had no choice but to hold the position I had, working in retail, enforcing restrictions and facing a very strained and desperate public. It got pretty awful at times but it was money in the bank and I couldn’t risk an employment gap so early in my career.

For the blog, it’s been incredible. I got over 500 visitors and nearly 700 views this year, that’s more than I got in 2016, which was my peak for a few years. For the first nine months 2020 was looking like another average year for Duffhood. Then along came October. When I started reviewing the Friday The 13^th films for Halloween, there was a massive surge in reads. If any of my reviews were to do well, I was expecting them to be the ones of recent releases, not of an ancient horror series that’s already been covered a gazillion times. I was really pleased. I can only say thank you to those Friday The 13^th fans who wanted to read yet another overview of their favourite franchise and for making 2020 an outstanding year for this little site.

Perhaps this recent success on Duffhood indicates that I’m better suited to more serious work, like online criticism, instead of characters and sketch comedy, because for my YouTube channel 2020 hasn’t been anything special.

I uploaded a total of eight videos this year, not bad considering the measly five I uploaded last year. A lot of them I am very proud of but view wise they haven’t performed any better than previous uploads. When it comes to videos I’ve always had a quality over quantity mindset and since work became a lot busier with the spread of the virus, finding time to conceive, draft, write, shoot and edit scripts was a real struggle. Despite their unimpressive performances, I’m still proud of the videos I made this year. Captain Sweden Vs Feminism and Godzilla Vs Kong: A Love Story were the best I think. A Love Story, despite its technical imperfections, had a bizarre but amusing script, which took months to get right, and Captain Sweden Vs Feminism had its…well, watch it and see for yourself.

I drank less frequently, took up meditation, started to move house, did research for books I’m working on, listened to more radio dramas and got back into gaming (while cleaning out the loft, I discovered that not only had my mother kept my PS2 but that, after twelve years in storage, it still worked!)

I did all that and honestly I feel like it’s not enough. This is frustrating as I think I’ve been saying this for the past five years now but this existential crisis I’ve talked about, about being too scared to commit to a certain craft whether it be comedy, writing or drawing, I’m still in it. I want to draw but I’m too scared to, it’s been over a year since I last did. I want to write and illustrate books but I’m too scared of being fiercely criticised or being personally associated with my bad art. I feel all this after completing a Master’s in Creative Writing and getting almost a thousand views on my blog. I’d like think that 2021 is the year everything turns around and my expectations are met but at the same time, perhaps my expectations are too high and when considering my situation time wise, I’m doing all that I can.

Perhaps the goal for next year may not be to answer the questions that this existential crisis poses but to not ask them at all. To understand that art, most of the time, is about the production and not the product. To enjoy the doing and not worry about what will be done. Perhaps that’s the goal. Perhaps it’s not. Once again I just hope by this time next year my perspective is clearer and my fear is lesser.

Like everyone I hope 2021 sees the end of this pandemic and this lockdown. I hope 2021 sees a return to something that resembles normality. I hope to see more films, more than seven that’s for certain. The titles I’m most looking forward to are pretty much the same as last year’s as they were all delayed. Dune, Halloween Kills, A Quiet Place 2, Candyman and of course, Godzilla vs Kong.

Certainly, expect more activity on Duffhood. As for YouTube I’m not so sure. I wrote a couple of sketches over the summer that I still want to shoot but chances are I won’t be able to until me and my parents have moved house, when that will happen we still don’t know. So expect even more cobwebs to gather on MetalicoOfMeltron as I’ll be spending even less time updating it.

Above all, I hope that a year from now, when you read ‘One More Thing Before 2022,’ I come across as more hopeful and certain, I say that COVID is gone and that Godzilla Vs Kong was incredible.

Have fun, stay safe and have a Happy New Year.

Thank you.