Of all the 16 features I saw this year, there’re only two I can really call bad. This puts me in a unique conundrum. Coming up with 5 of the best of this year is no problem but coming up with 5 of the worst is impossible. I’ve seen a few films that’re ok or above average but putting them down as the worst of the year just wouldn’t be fair.

My hands are tied. I have no choice but to write my top 5 Best films of 2022 and my top 2 Worst films of 2022. I hope I’m not in a similar situation this time next year.

As usual we’re going to eat our vegetables first and start with my 5 Best films of the year.

5. The Batman

Yes you’ve probably heard nothing but great things about this but I believe that’s for good reason. Matt Reeves’ interpretation of the caped crusader is not perfect, it could certainly be shorter but its balance of the hyperrealism most associated with Burton’s Batman and the grounded grit of Nolan’s Dark Knight results in a truly unique look.

On top of that, the film takes one of Batman’s most laughable adversaries, The Riddler, and evolves him into a character who’s just as threatening and compelling as recent Joker interpretations. That’s a feat.

4. Barbarian

For a horror fan this is a real treat. For someone who’s not so into horror, it’s still an amazing watch. It begins with two characters in a situation that is, especially in today’s climate, tense. From there the plot escalates to points you cannot foresee. It’s about trust, paranoia, sexual harassment and, of all things, #metoo.

The only people I wouldn’t recommend this to are those younger than the certified age, and maybe people who have a thing about blood. Apart from them, I recommend Barbarian for everyone. It’s one of the best films to go in knowing nothing, having seen no trailers or read any synopsises. You’ll be in for a ride that’ll stick with you.

3. Nope

Jordan Peele’s sci-fi horror is a pastiche unlike any other I’ve seen. It’s essentially a monster movie set in a Californian desert yet it has horses, cowboy hats, Western theme parks, Hollywood sets, 90s’ sitcoms and an alien ship that isn’t really a ship.

Does any other film combine all those elements and make them work?

The third act does overstay its welcome (couldn’t that TMZ reporter been cut out?) hence the 2 hour and 10-minute runtime is unnecessary but as someone who wasn’t a huge fan of Us, Nope was a wonderful surprise. It’s a true original and has restored my enthusiasm for Jordan Peele’s future projects.  

2. Pearl

Not the scariest film I’ve seen this year but certainly the most disturbing. Seeing the violent and heart-breaking tale of the titular farmgirl through the lens of a classic Hollywood picture is a tense and draining experience.

It’s a prequel to X but regardless of which you watch first, you’ll be left with a greater appreciation for Pearl.

It takes a premise we’re all too familiar with (poor girl wants to be a star) and applies it to a grounded reality where, for the majority of people, failure is guaranteed. Being a horror film, Pearl’s struggle and failure of course leads to horrific outcomes. You’re on her side the whole time but where her journey takes her will undoubtedly leave you unnerved and upset.

1. Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio

If you read my review of the stop-motion musical, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.

What can I say? There have been dozens of Pinocchio adaptations and yet this couldn’t feel any more distinct and unique. It does feature characters and plot points most will associate with the original story but it doesn’t include them all – and even the ones it does include the film makes up for with its totally new style and context.

I haven’t read the source novel but I’ve seen my fair share of adaptations and am able to deduce that the story of Pinocchio does feature a theme of grief. If that’s the case, then Del Toro’s version takes that theme and makes it central to its whole. It’s an uplifting, moving and poignant meditation on death and while it’s not exactly for children, it’s definitely suitable for them and perhaps makes for a good introduction to the notion of mortality.

Right, we’ve eaten our vegetables, now let’s get to our unusual two-course desert. Here’s the couple I can without a doubt call the Worst of the Year.

2. Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The best thing this film can do is prevent any more Texas Chainsaw Massacre sequels being made, which, knowing Hollywood, it will almost certainly fail at.

In my review I called the 1974 original a ‘time capsule’ of a period that, while important historically, is long gone, hence following up on the horror classic would be a pointless exercise. Taking on the issues of gun violence, trauma and influencers in a Texas Chainsaw sequel is a bad idea, no matter how well integrated those issues could be. The film does it regardless, using the mythology of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre to craft a topical slasher for the zoomer generation.

And if the film couldn’t be any more shallow or cynical, it uses a technique that other better reboots have implemented and reintroduces a character from the source material. Sally from the 1974 film is nothing but a discount Laurie Strode from 2018’s Halloween, a generic vengeful ‘bad ass.’

There’s some tongue-in-cheek humour so it might be worth checking out for that but I’d be curious to see how long someone watching it for the humour could last.

1. Jeepers Creepers: Reborn

Just like with Del Toro’s Pinocchio, if you read my review of this, its number 1 spot shouldn’t come as a surprise.

If you thought Jeepers Creepers 3 looked cheap, you’ve seen nothing yet. Putting aside the dull script, the dull characters and the ridiculous choice of setting the film in a universe where the previous Jeepers Creepers are just films, Reborn is a technical travesty. The poor and unnecessary green screen, the abysmal CGI; this film had a theatrical release and yet there are short films on YouTube that look better.

Unless you’re a diehard Jeepers Creepers fan, Reborn is almost impossible to watch it’s so poorly made. When I watched it, I thought I wouldn’t see anything worse by New Year’s and it turns out I was right.

What of next year then? Any titles to look forward to? Well for me, excluding the heaps of superhero features that I’ll dismiss, I’m eager to see Oppenheimer, Dune: Part Two, Evil Dead Rise and The Meg 2, which should be coming out apparently.

There’re other titles on the side that I’m curious about and might cover such as Cocaine Bear, The Flash, Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse and Wonka.

If I had a goal for the New Year it’d be to see enough films to make a Top 5 Worst of the Year list for next year. So basically to see so many films that my chances of seeing at least 5 awful ones are good.

There’re worse resolutions. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone.